25.000 English SDH
TONI: Welcome to The Toni Post Show. l am your host, Toni Post. We love life.
l love life. l love life.
l love my job. You know why l love my job?
Because l get to spend every morning with you.
That's right. And l mean that.
Today we're talking about real things, about real people.
We're going to get down and get dirty. Let's start with our first guest.
Connie Phillips from Chicago, lllinois.
We want to ask first...
how do you feel about this friend we've heard so much about?
I'd waIk through fire for her. She's not just a friend, she's my best friend.
Your best friend. Right.
And tell me, how long have you been having sex with her husband?
A IittIe over a year now.
[Disapproving remarks from audience]
He doesn't Iove her. He Ioves me.
Does she know why she's gonna appear on our show today?
She thinks she's here for a makeover.
[Audience Iaughs]
Ouch. That's got to hurt.
You know, we're all wondering here...
why you chose to reveal this to her, your friend, on national television.
Because I want her to hear my point of view.
I reaIIy want her to hear me.
TONI: Fair enough. Let's bring her out.
Let's bring out your friend, Birdee. Come on out! Give her a hand!
[Audience cheering]
Hi, Birdee.
So, tell us, how do you feel?
I'm perfectIy deIightfuI, thank you.
Birdee, do you recognize the voice of the person sitting next to you?
Hi, Birdee.
Connie? My best friend, Connie?
TONI: Absolutely correct. Go ahead and take off your blindfold.
Oh, my God.
Birdee, Connie is your best friend?
She's my best friend.
TONI: And she told us that she loves you very much.
I Iove you, too.
The last thing that she wants to do is to hurt you in any way.
Connie.
Birdee...
BiIIy and I are having an affair.
He doesn't love you anymore. He wants to marry me.
[Audience hooting and jeering]
What?
Connie wants you to know your friendship is important to her...
and she loves you very much, Birdee.
Have you been sIeeping with him?
WeII, yeah.
Actually, Connie told us that she had sex with your husband, Bill...
in your home on your living room floor.
[Audience hoots and jeers]
TONI: l want to hear what Bill has to say.
How about you? You want to hear from Bill?
Let's bring Bill in. Come on in, Bill. Join us, won't you?
[StereotypicaI chat show music]
[Audience boos]
Come on, come on.
Bill, thank you for appearing on The Toni Post Show.
Thank you, ma'am.
Go ahead and take off your blindfold, Bill.
Bill...
are you having an affair with your wife's best friend?
Yes, ma'am.
[Audience jeers and groans]
All right. That's it. We gotta take a break.
We'll be back with some more sizzle on The Toni Post Show.
You join us back.
[Audience appIauds and cheers IoudIy]
BIRDEE: Bernice, did you get my suitcase in the car?
BERNICE: Yes. BIRDEE: We shouId be there a few days.
WeII, if it's not an inconvenience.
All right.
Me, too. Bye-bye.
[Soft instrumentaI music]
Don't Iook back, sweetheart. It's bad Iuck.
Turn around.
Put on your seat belt.
Take the wheeI.
Bernice, don't be a baby. Just take the wheeI.
Come on.
Come here.
Okay. Thank you.
Here we go.
BERNICE'S VOICE: "Dear Princess, l know you're confused now and l don't blame you.
"l want you to know none of this is your fault.
"This is between your mom and me.
"Not a day will go by, when l won't think about you and wish you were with me.
"l love you, honey. Be nice to your mom. All my heart, Daddy. "
[SIow country rock music]
BERNICE: What's that funny smeII?
Cows.
Is this where you were cream of corn?
Queen of Corn, honey, three years running.
A feat unsurpassed in the history of SmithviIIe.
Okay, so maybe that was a Iong time ago...
but beIieve me, honey, once upon a time, your mama knew what it meant to shine.
Oh, you're here!
You're actuaIIy here. Oh, my baby. My babies!
BIRDEE: Bernice. RAMONA: Look at you. You are so pretty!
You Iook just Iike my mama, you know that?
RAMONA: And Birdee.... BIRDEE: Hey, Mama.
RAMONA: Did you take up drinking? BIRDEE: No, I have not.
You mean, this is you stone sober? You Iook just awfuI.
WeII, I feeI awfuI, Mama.
-WeII, you Iook it. -WeII, I feeI it.
WeII, you Iook it.
Here, let me take one of those. Come on, honey, l got a present for you.
l just can't believe you're here.
Okay, now.
That's a present from your grandpa and me.
BIRDEE: How is Daddy? RAMONA: He's fine.
He has a coId this week, so we can't see him tiII Saturday.
RAMONA: But he's fine. BIRDEE: Good.
It's a bunny purse.
You don't Iike stuffed animaIs? That's aII right. We'II get you settIed first.
But be very quiet, because we don't want to wake up Travis.
You remember your cousin, don't you?
He got so excited waiting for you aII to arrive he just pooped out.
You see those?
They're scaredy-cats. Get it?
[Meowing]
RAMONA: Your grandpa made a fortune off of them.
Birdee, lock the door. You want to be murdered in your bed?
Don't worry, sweetheart, if they bite you they got rubber teeth.
-Did Grandma kiII those animaIs herseIf? -No, they come here aIready dead.
This way, they live forever.
BERNICE: As scaredy-cats. BIRDEE: Yeah, as scaredy-cats.
This is a nice room, isn't it?
See that door right there? It Ieads right into mine.
Isn't that neat?
Okay, that about does it.
I've got a IittIe surprise for you.
So you don't bump into doors at night.
BIRDEE: Okay, feet in. Arms in or out? BERNICE: Out.
Snug as a bug in a rug. Good night, baby.
[SIow rock music]
[Dog barks]
RAMONA: Bad dog, HuckIebee. Bad dog.
Bad dog.
[Travis yapping]
No.
[Travis whimpers]
What a sweet dog! Mama, you didn't teII me you had a pet.
Hey, Travis. How are you?
RAMONA: Right, Travis, you're a boy again. Go sit at the tabIe and eat breakfast.
Better do what she says, Travis. Grandma stuffs bad IittIe dogs.
Any caIIs?
Any messages we get wiII be right on that buIIetin board there.
All right, y'all, dig in here.
BIRDEE: Bernice, you remember Travis, don't you?
He visited us in Chicago, what was it...
two Christmases ago?
He chewed my Little House on the Prairie.
Where's Aunt Desiree?
Aunt Desiree's Iiving in HoIIywood now. Isn't she, Travis?
-She's doing a piIot. -ReaIIy? And what's he Iike?
That is a show for teIevision, smarty.
BERNICE: Aunt Desiree's going to be on teIevision?
I was on TV, too. Fat Iot of good it did me.
WeII, I am proud of both of my teIevision daughters.
Birdee, you Iooked so beautifuI on that TV.
RAMONA: Everybody thought so. BIRDEE: Who's everybody?
Everybody in SmithviIIe, that's for sure.
If you didn't want peopIe to see you, why did you go on teIevision?
Because, Mama, I wanted...
a free makeover, that's aII.
You got one. Just a different kind, that's aII.
So, Bernice, what are your pIans? Stop that, Travis.
TRAVIS: My name is Aunt Birdee. RAMONA: WeII, stop that, Aunt Birdee.
-I don't know. -WeII, I think it's time you made some.
You're starting a whoIe new Iife here.
Anything you wish is possibIe.
ls that marmalade over there?
Oh, no, excuse me.
Travis, l said, stop it.
If anything's possibIe Iike Grandma says, then I want more friends.
What if they don't Iike me here?
Bernice, sweetheart, you worry too much.
You're a IikeabIe girI, Bernice. You are.
You want more friends? Is that what you wish for?
[TeIephone rings]
Granted.
RAMONA: Bernice, teIephone.
BILL: Bernice?
Hey, Daddy. I miss you so much.
Daddy says, "Hi." He reaIIy misses me.
I'm sure he does, sweetheart.
BIRDEE: I'm gIad you onIy missed six weeks here.
I'm sure the schooIs in Chicago are way ahead of here.
Keep it up. Keep that Tiger spirit up. Yeah, team !
You're sure you don't want me to pick you up after schooI?
-I'II waIk home with Travis. -Okay.
[Echoes of cheerIeaders chanting and whistIe bIowing]
BIRDEE: It smeIIs the same, Iike peanut butter and paste.
Can you smell it?
You look perfect. Are you ready?
BERNICE: Maybe I couId go in aIone.
BIRDEE: Show them you're the independent type.
You're going to do great.
BIRDEE: Go knock them dead. BERNICE: Okay.
Bye, Mama.
Come back here. What's the matter with you?
TEACHER: That's correct. "Harry gave me a turtIe."
"He drunk that water fast." Brandie?
BRANDIE: "He drank that water fast."
TEACHER: Very good.
"He drank that water fast. "
That's the correct answer. Very good.
Okay, Bernice. All right, class, this is Bernice Pruitt.
She comes to us from Chicago.
You take the desk next to Kristen. That will be your seat.
Go on, honey.
All right, let's open up your books to Page 76, Chapter 3.
Pay attention, 'cause you're gonna have a quiz on Monday.
She's got pop-eyes.
[ChiIdren giggIe]
TEACHER: Bernice, you just foIIow aIong with Kristen.
I didn't do anything. Why is it aIways my fauIt?
I didn't say anything about fauIt. I just asked what you did, that's aII.
BIRDEE: Nothing.
PeopIe faII in Iove, they faII right back out. It happens aII the time.
You never even toId me you were having troubIe with BiII.
Maybe it's because I didn't want to hear, "I toId you so."
Besides, how couId we have troubIe?
Prom queen, quarterback, the pride of SmithviIIe.
We practicaIIy Ieft town on a fIoat.
WeII, maybe you were speciaI.
But then again, maybe you were just Iike the rest of us...
except you were riding around on fIowers made out of toiIet paper.
You just never Iiked BiII.
I Iike aII of God's creatures. I just Iike some of them better stuffed.
And he's one of them.
Why don't you just cut to the part where he started fooIing around.
At cocktaiI parties, the women that BiII worked with wouId never...
Iook at me.
Their eyes were always surveying the room, looking for...
somebody better to taIk to.
I was the beauty queen from SmithviIIe, worse than ordinary, a joke.
That was it.
No, you were never a joke.
Yeah, I was, Mama.
You couId see it in his eyes. You can't mistake that.
Honey, crying over it won't make it cIean.
Life just goes on, and you got to move aIong with it.
-Bud. -Weiser.
-How was your dinner, Kermit? -Good.
We seem to be the onIy ones enjoying it.
Did you ever see two such mopes? That's a mope and that's a mope.
BIRDEE: AII right, Mama.
No, it isn't aII right. Look at me. My Iife has no big meaning...
or direction or purpose, and I'm happy.
Look at Kermit here. You think it's easy being green?
Ribbit.
I saw that, Bernice. That smiIe means there's hope for you.
[Knocking on door]
TRAVIS: I got it!
-You expecting someone? -No. I mean, it might be Justin Matisse.
He said he might drop over after his day job.
RAMONA: He's heIping me fix the porch. BIRDEE: I don't want to see Justin Matisse.
Why? Because your hair's not fixed? He's back from CaIifornia.
So what?
RAMONA: Justin, come on in. BIRDEE: Mama.
BIRDEE: Hey, Justin. JUSTIN: WeII, weII, weII.
-If it ain't Birdee CaIvert. -It's Pruitt. Birdee Pruitt.
Sorry.
It's aII right.
Birdee, Birdee, Birdee.
Move on to something eIse, Justin.
I heard you'd come back.
I wonder how.
Oh, this is my daughter, Bernice.
Bernice, Bernice, Bernice.
She's funny.
RAMONA: You smeII just deIicious, Justin. JUSTIN: Thanks.
Are you wearing coIogne?
No. That's a IittIe paint thinner.
A IittIe sweat mixed in with it.
RAMONA: WeII, it sure does smeII good. Don't it, Birdee?
Why don't you go out onto the porch. I'II have Birdee bring you some iced tea.
That sounds great, Mrs. CaIvert. Thanks. Bye, y'aII.
Bye, Bernice, Bernice, Bernice.
Great to see you, Birdee. You Iook good.
BERNICE: Here.
Hey, Bernice. Thank you.
I don't see a gIass there for your mother.
She went upstairs.
My daddy usuaIIy caIIs about now, for one of his daiIy chats...
then we aII turn in.
JUSTIN: I see.
How do you Iike it down here in SmithviIIe?
It wasn't on any maps untiI we got to Texas.
We Iike to keep it a secret.
That way it doesn't get overrun with peopIe.
It seems to be working.
JUSTIN: You know, your mother and I go way back.
I know you must.
Back home, we had a pet skunk. Mom caIIed it Justin Matisse.
You think that's a coincidence?
AII day Iong, Mom wouId scream, "You stink, Justin Matisse."
FinaIIy, she just picked up a cIub and kiIIed it.
That's a sad story.
BERNICE: If you Iike the skunk, which we didn't.
l think she still has that club in her purse upstairs.
So, I guess that means she's not coming down.
Not untiI you Ieave.
I guess I better go, then.
Thanks for packing up aII my stuff. I appreciate it.
I'II see you around.
That's what's great about a smaII town.
Birdee!
BIRDEE: What, Mama?
Honey, can you give me a hand?
[Car driving away]
[HuckIebee barking]
[Light-hearted instrumentaI music]
Honey, are you stiII in here? I had no idea.
It's a beautifuI day out. Just take a Iook at that.
Go on.
Get out there. Get the stink bIown off you.
I aIways hated that expression, Mama.
Don't make me use it, then. I'm gonna turn the shower on for you.
Then l'm going shopping later, if you want to get out of the house.
[Loud whirring]
Mama !
Mama, can't this.... Mother!
Justin, hey.
BIRDEE: What are you doing up here? JUSTIN: I'm buiIding sheIves.
You Iook terribIe.
Been drinking?
Why does everyone ask me if I've been drinking?
What, is there a coaster stuck to my butt or something?
BIRDEE: How Iong is this gonna take? JUSTIN: A coupIe of hours.
Why don't you go down and get dressed. You'II feeI better.
You've got to feeI depressed Iooking Iike that.
BIRDEE: Do you aIways say what's on your mind or is it just my Iucky day?
I'm not going to do you any favors by Iying.
WeII, Justin, I don't need your favors.
BIRDEE: I just need something. JUSTIN: Is that an invitation?
Remember the blue beetle? lt promised us a long and happy life.
BERNICE: Forget it.
TRAVIS: HanseI and GreteI's mother was terribIe.
Why didn't the witch eat her? I don't think you toId the story right.
Honey, your mama is going to get you just as soon as she can, I promise.
Stop picking at that doII's eyes, wiII you? That makes me nervous.
BIRDEE: Bernice!
What do you think you're you doing? Do you think I am stupid?
Did you think l wouldn't find out? What are you doing?
BERNICE: What did I do?
If you have something to say to me, say it fIat out.
Do not say it behind my back.
BIRDEE: Anything to teII me? BERNICE: No.
-TeII me! -What do you want me to say?
Stop pIaying innocent! I know what you toId him !
-ToId who? -Your father! I just taIked to him.
Do you know what he said to me? "I'm sorry you're taking this so hard.
"I'm sorry you can't get out of bed, but we have a daughter to care for."
What did you say?
Nothing, it wasn't bad. I just said you were sad. We both are.
That is our business, that's not his business!
Besides, we're not sad! We're fine!
We are not! You don't care about me or ask me about schooI.
You don't even make breakfast. You promised Daddy you'd care for me!
WeII, you know what? Daddy promised me the worId.
And he didn't honor his promise. So I'II break every promise I made to him !
Birdee, stop it! That's enough now.
It's not a crime to teII the truth, not in this house.
Don't yeII at her.
She's my daughter. I'II yeII at her aII I want.
WiII you just take a Iook at yourseIf.
Wandering around night and day in your bathrobe.
You're hiding out. You're scared.
What happened to you?
You used to be so pIeasing.
You know what? I had to be pIeasing. With the town joke as a mother...
I had to be pIeasing. When you'd fIounce into schooI...
with your road kiII hat and freshIy skinned bag.
I Iearned how to be pIeasing.
You're pIeasing nobody. You're miserabIe yourseIf.
And I've never been unhappy. So the joke is on you, honey.
BERNICE: Don't yeII at her! RAMONA: I'm finished, beIieve me.
I didn't hurt you, did I?
Because I wouIdn't hurt you for anything in the worId. You know that, don't you?
It's okay. Night, Travis.
TRAVIS: Night.
[Disc jockey taIking on radio]
Excuse me.
Birdee! Birdee CaIvert!
l heard you were back in town!
-HeIIo. -Debbie. Debbie Reissen.
BIRDEE: Debbie Reissen. DEBBIE: How are you?
-How are you? -Did you come here to see Dot?
Dot. She runs the whoIe office now.
BIRDEE: Yeah. I came to see Dot. DEBBIE: She'II be so tickIed!
Great.
Dottie, in a miIIion years, you'II never guess...
who came aII the way from Chicago, IIIinois, to see you.
DOT: Take me off the intercom, please.
She guessed. WouId you Iike to have a seat?
BIRDEE: Great. Thank you. DEBBIE: She'II be right with you.
['70s pop music pIaying on radio]
I saw you on teIevision.
ReaIIy?
I taped it.
DOT: Birdee! Come on in.
No caIIs, Deborah.
BIRDEE: Hi. DOT: Hi.
DOT: I didn't keep you too Iong? BIRDEE: Oh, no, it's fine, thank you.
You Iook beautifuI. Same oId Birdee.
Same oId Dot.
You have no idea who I am, do you?
No, I'm sorry. I don't.
DOT: It's aII right.
When I knew you, I was 5 inches shorter and about 70 pounds heavier.
We didn't exactly eat at the same lunch table.
PoIka Dot?
-Is that right? -Yeah.
Nobody's caIIed me that in a Iong time.
Oh, my God! You Iook fantastic.
DOT: Thank you. BIRDEE: You're weIcome.
Have a seat.
Oh, my God. It's remarkabIe.
Was I reaIIy that terribIe before?
BIRDEE: Oh, no. I just meant that.... DOT: Yeah, weII, I know what you meant.
PeopIe change. We get better as we get oIder.
BIRDEE: Yeah.
You Iook exactIy the same.
-WeII, no, actuaIIy I.... -Oh, I know. I heard about you and BiII.
He aIways was a Iadies' man.
-You aII right? -Oh, I'm fine.
You know, so much of that is staged for TV...
for ratings.
So, you need a job.
-What sort of work have you been doing? -Housework.
BiII worked and he didn't want....
We have a daughter. So I took care of her.
-How fast do you type? -Don't type.
Computer skiIIs.
Don't compute.
Goodness.
Give me some idea what you're Iooking for...
because I'm not IikeIy to find a Iisting for prom queen.
I used to take pictures. I was good at that. So maybe I couId...
get a job at the newspaper or Jackson's Portrait Studio.
It's cIosed down, and the newspaper is not hiring. I can teII you that right now.
So....
Dot, I wouId reaIIy Iike a job.
One that I couId Iike myseIf for...
even if it's just for a IittIe whiIe.
DOT: Birdee.... BIRDEE: Dot...
I don't know how I treated you in high schooI.
I'm guessing it was pretty bad...
seeing how you're heII bent on putting me in my pIace right now.
And that's okay.
Just put me in a job, too.
I wouId reaIIy be gratefuI.
Shoot some pictures over the weekend and bring them in.
-I'II Iook them over. -Great.
-I'II do what I can. -Thank you.
Enjoy your food, honey.
Thanks.
[SIow instrumentaI music]
It's not for sissies, you know.
Dining aIone.
You gotta be made of some pretty stern stuff to do that.
ReaIIy?
JUSTIN: See, the trick is to seem mysterious.
Like the choice is yours.
Impressive.
JUSTIN: Yeah, weII, you pick these things up.
WouId you care to join me?
I can't do that.
That wouId be cheating.
Besides, l'd rather wait.
Well, l gotta go.
Remember, mysterious. That's the key.
Maybe order some dessert, just to spite them.
Make me proud.
Keep the change, thank you.
[SIow country music]
DOT: These are good, Birdee. BIRDEE: ReaIIy?
ReaIIy.
So, do you think you can find something for me Iike we taIked about?
I think I can.
Great. Thanks.
MR. DAVIS: You take the fiIm, Iike so. And you run it through here.
Now make sure that this here is shut tight.
Then you just foIIow it aIong, Iike so.
Then it comes out here, Iike so. Then you separate it.
-Like so. -That's right.
Everyone's fiIm has to be deveIoped in Iess than an hour...
-otherwise it's free. Any questions? -Nope.
OccasionaIIy, we get pictures of a somewhat questionabIe nature.
Naked pictures?
We never comment on them. We just hand them over as if we hadn't seen a thing.
I understand, Mr. Davis.
But first, we make a copy.
And we put them in the second drawer under the counter.
You can have a Iook any time you want.
Just don't take any of them home with you.
-AII right. -You can sit right down there.
Birdee CaIvert.
I bet the customers wiII stand in Iine to see you again.
[Light-hearted instrumentaI music]
MALE NURSE: We have a fuII range of arts and crafts to keep our Ioved ones happy.
It's Iike summer camp, reaIIy, onIy it's aII year round. Lucky them.
BIRDEE: CharIie, come here. MALE NURSE: Here we are.
Look who's here, Mr. C. All these people just to see you.
BIRDEE: So good to see you.
WeII, enjoy.
How are you keeping, Daddy?
What's wrong with him?
It's just a stroke. Nothing to worry about.
RAMONA: And a IittIe OId Timer's.
BIRDEE: She means AIzheimer's. RAMONA: I know what I mean.
But you know exactIy what's going on, don't you, Daddy?
BIRDEE: Thank him for the bunny. BERNICE: He doesn't even know who I am.
BIRDEE: Sure he does, sweetheart.
lt's just a little hard for him to show it. Say hello.
Sure, go ahead.
Travis, you want to kiss your grandpa hello?
AII right. I think what we need here is a IittIe ice cream.
BIRDEE: That's a great idea.
Let Mama and Grandpa have a IittIe time together. We'II be in the cafeteria, Harry.
BERNICE: You'II be okay? BIRDEE: We'II be fine.
So.
I'II teII you one thing.
I'm not going to sit here and teII you what a nice pIace we got you in...
or how good you Iook.
Because we're aduIts, right?
At Ieast you are.
Mama says you do that bIinking thing with your eyes.
One bIink for yes, two for no. Can you do that?
Just on a good day? I get it.
That was Bernice, Daddy.
You remember Bernice?
There it is.
That's Bernice, Daddy.
She's the best thing I ever did.
I wish BiII couId be here...
but we had a IittIe bit of troubIe.
But enough of that, right?
I'm going to write her name right down here...
on the bottom of her picture.
So when she comes back here, maybe you could...
recognize her and give her a IittIe sign or something.
She couId reaIIy use one.
What, Daddy?
[SentimentaI country music]
BERNICE: You don't have a daddy, either, Mom.
BIRDEE: Don't break that. I've had it forever.
Come on, it's late.
My IittIe burrito baby. Snug as a bug in a rug.
You're out of luck if your nose itches.
BIRDEE: Good night. BERNICE: Night, Mom.
WeII, if it isn't Birdee CaIvert.
Bobbi-CIaire Akins.
Patterson now.
How are you? I heard about your sad news.
How BiII couId humiIiate you Iike that in front of the entire worId...
is just beyond me.
We have a sateIIite dish, so we saw it on CentraI and Mountain.
-You poor thing. -What can I do for you?
Anyway, I brought you these. My sister's wedding reception.
TripIe prints, pIease. I'II come back after I get my hair done.
I just Iove this thing you're doing with your hair.
lt's so down-to-earth and natural-like.
I wish I couId be more Iike that.
I'm fearIess that way.
[Imitates Bobbi-CIaire's irritating Iaugh]
BIRDEE: No!
What's the matter with you, you big piece of crap?
Mr. Davis.
I'm sorry, Bobbi-CIaire. I'm....
Sorry? You think that does it? These pictures were irrepIaceabIe!
Something must have got in the gate.
There's nothing! There's not a bIur, not a face with red eyes!
You think Debbi-Lynn gets married every day?
Debbi-Lynn? Isn't this her fourth--
It is her fifth, Miss High and Mighty.
But they each had very different themes.
And now there is nothing to show for it.
At Ieast I caught it before the other ones got ruined.
Oh, yes. You're just IittIe Miss EmpIoyee of the Month.
Mr. Davis, I hope you wiII make sure...
this never happens again. I beIieve you know what I mean.
What?
Oh, dear. Am I going to have to fire you?
Come on, she'II cooI off.
It's gotta be hard carrying around aII that hair.
WeII, if she sends a biII...
-I'II have to dock you for at Ieast haIf. -I'm sorry.
Come on. Let's get this back on Iine.
Go get back on Iine.
BIRDEE: Shut up.
JUSTIN: Did you know you were the first girI I ever kissed?
BIRDEE: I did know that. JUSTIN: We were pIaying spin the bottIe.
BIRDEE: You stuck your tongue in my mouth.
l didn't know you were supposed to do that.
l was mortified. l thought you were an epileptic.
l went home and told Mama l was kissing you and you had a seizure in my mouth.
I was over the moon for you back then, Birdee.
-You knew that. -No, I didn't.
Why didn't you say anything?
-Coward. -Chicken.
Chicken, pure and simpIe.
You and BiII were up here. I was somewhere eIse.
I mean, what wouId you have said if I'd asked you out?
I don't know what I wouId have said. I am not the same person I was back then.
How about if I asked you out now?
[SIow instrumentaI music]
Is that what you're doing?
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
I wouId have to say no.
I'm a married woman. What's the matter with you?
Not on a date, though. Just dinner.
-Married peopIe have to eat, right? -I don't know.
What about I take you to a nice pIace, get a great fish dinner.
BIRDEE: Am I gIad we're not having steak. I'm a IittIe rusty at roping steer.
You're not so hot at this, either.
ReIax, Birdee.
Just sit back and Iet the fish come to you.
You know who wouId Iove this? Bernice. She's--
-Breathe. -I'm breathing.
Just Iisten.
What have you been doing since--
It just kiIIs you to sit there and be quiet for five minutes, doesn't it?
Like it kiIIs you to answer a personaI question.
I went to CaIifornia.
You didn't Iike it?
JUSTIN: I'm here, ain't I?
BIRDEE: Yes, you are. JUSTIN: Yes, I am.
You know those people who publish those calendars?
They'd reaIIy Iove your pictures.
BIRDEE: So, I Iike pretty pictures.
That's who I am.
You don't get voted Most Popular and Best Smile if you have an edge.
You know, you do have a great smiIe.
Don't show it to me, though.
Come here.
Come sit by me.
-Want to heIp? -No.
-Don't smiIe now. -I'm not.
JUSTIN: Let's see his smiIe.
JUSTIN: He's got a great smiIe. BIRDEE: HoId on.
He won SmiIe of the Year in his schooI. Get it?
[WhistIe bIows]
Hit the baII, Popeye.
[ChiIdren cheering]
[Dramatic instrumentaI music]
SCHOOLGIRL: Big DoIores!
Can't you do this in the backyard, Mom? It's so embarrassing.
Honey, they're dead. How can they be embarrassed?
BIRDEE: I hated this when I was your age. RAMONA: One day, aII this wiII be yours.
What's wrong? How was schooI?
Fine.
Big DoIores is going to murder Bernice.
-Be quiet, Travis. -Who's Big DoIores?
She's the meanest and dumbest girI in schooI.
But she keeps passing because even teachers are afraid of Big DoIores.
She has her own gang, too. It's caIIed...
Big DoIores.
What's she got against Bernice?
Bernice hit Big DoIores in the face with a voIIeybaII...
in front of the whoIe schooI.
Now Bernice is going to die.
You hit somebody in the face with a voIIeybaII?
It was an accident.
Did you say you were sorry?
She's going to kiII me anyway.
That whoIe famiIy is no good. I think it's gIanduIar.
Whatever gland produces meanness, they got.
Nobody is going to kiII anybody.
I'II have a taIk with her mother and we'II iron everything out.
PIease don't have a taIk with her mother. I'd rather die.
Don't worry, you wiII.
-Travis. -Come on down here and be a tree.
BIRDEE: Travis, go be a tree.
Promise me you won't have a taIk with her mother.
They'd reaIIy have it in for me after that.
Bernice, don't be so dramatic. Nothing's going to happen.
You're right, Mom. It'II be a normaI day.
TRAVIS: Oh, yes.
BIRDEE: OId Man Linton's make-out spot.
l thought we were getting ice cream. What would your mother say?
JUSTIN: She'd probabIy say, "Way to go, Justin."
BIRDEE: ReaIIy? JUSTIN: Yeah.
What an incredibIe night.
BIRDEE: The pIace hasn't changed much. JUSTIN: Not at aII.
-Not that I came here much. -Oh, no, of course not.
BiII was aIways in training.
He aIways said it wouId put him off his game...
to get aII riIed up the night before.
He didn't Iook so happy on TV.
Doesn't anybody watch pubIic teIevision anymore?
I couIdn't keep my eyes off you.
Which part captivated you more? Was it the part...
where I appeared downtrodden and pitifuI?
Or was it the part where I Iooked stricken and grotesque?
I personaIIy preferred the part where I Iooked pathetic.
I Iiked that.
I think I just preferred the part where you appeared avaiIabIe.
BIRDEE: Grow up.
JUSTIN: Don't you feeI young over here, just sitting in this truck?
That Old Man Linton was a god.
I feeI Iike I'm 16 again.
BIRDEE: Oh, get reaI, Justin.
[Romantic music]
I never kissed a man before BiII.
Who said anything about kissing?
Did I say that?
JUSTIN: Birdee CaIvert.
BERNICE: PIease, Daddy. Come and get me before it's too Iate.
I don't feeI so good, Grandma.
-You're going to schooI today. -It's not fair.
[SchooI beII ringing]
Come on, Travis.
[SIow country music]
Four eyes.
Bookworm.
Popeye!
[Vicious growIing]
[ChiIdren screaming and shouting]
CHILDREN: Fight! Fight!
[SIow country music continues]
Hey.
How was school?
BIRDEE: Hey, weaseI. BERNICE: Fine!
BIRDEE: What happened? TRAVIS: She Iived.
[Lip-syncing '70s pop song pIaying on stereo]
['70s pop song continues pIaying]
[Meowing]
[ChiIdren Iaugh]
[Upbeat country music pIaying]
Mr. and Mrs. Whitehead. They were Iike a hundred years oId when I knew them.
Look. Hi.
Mrs. Ramona.
-Did you want to dance with me? -Oh, no.
My goodness. Go dance with someone your own age.
l never.
-AII right. Sorry I bothered you. -AII right, then.
WiII you excuse us, honey.
SUZY: Birdee Pruitt? It's me, Suzy. BIRDEE: My God. Hi!
-How are you? -WeII....
BIRDEE: My God.
SUZY: The baby's due in six weeks. BIRDEE: I can see that.
I thought you'd moved to Houston.
I'm just in for the weekend. Mama toId me you were in town.
-Yeah. I'm here. -You Iook wonderfuI.
SUZY: SeriousIy. BIRDEE: Thank you.
Aren't you cIever? That's the way to get BiII to come crawIing back to you.
I don't.... That's....
SUZY: WouId you Iook at PoIka Dot? The doughnut's best friend.
Look. There's Justin Matisse.
l heard he lost that great job in California 'cause he wouldn't work fast enough.
He's headed this way.
-Hey. -Hey.
Honor me?
-What? -I want to dance with you.
-Justin, I can't.... -Excuse us.
Justin, I can't dance anymore.
JUSTIN: Dancing is just a conversation between two peopIe.
Talk to me.
[Singing upbeat country song]
JUSTIN: You can do it, now.
Look out now.
Come on, Birdee.
JACK: Thank you very much, folks.
We're gonna take a short break now...
but we're gonna leave you with some fine tunes on the jukebox.
Thanks for the dance.
JUSTIN: Hey. BIRDEE: What?
[SIow, romantic music pIaying]
Just breathe.
JUSTIN: Be kind.
lt's a work in progress.
BIRDEE: It's beautifuI.
JUSTIN: It's a door.
Come on in.
This is it.
Nineteenth century Texas pine.
I Iove that smeII.
FeeI this.
Tongue and groove.
Excuse me?
They're cut and matched perfect to fit together.
You want to see the porch?
It's this way.
This is gonna have a great view, once I get rid of that traiIer.
This is going to wrap aII the way around the house.
BIRDEE: This is nice. JUSTIN: They caII that a swing.
Maybe you couId hang it.
I couId. This is from Mom and Dad's oId pIace.
Yeah?
JUSTIN: It's comfy? BIRDEE: It's going to be a reaI nice house.
BIRDEE: Who was your architect? JUSTIN: You're kidding, right?
That's haIf the fun.
You go around SmithviIIe painting houses, and you can do this?
-Yes. -You couId do so much more.
-I guess so. -You know what I meant.
I know exactIy what you meant. You're taIking about the American Dream.
You find something that you Iove, and then you twist it and torture it.
Try to find a way to make money at it.
Spend a Iifetime doing that.
At the end, you can't find a trace of what you started out Ioving.
What did you start out loving?
I don't remember.
For me, it was doing things right. That's aII.
That's why l came back here, so l could live the way l wanted.
I figured, out of everybody, you'd understand that.
I do.
I envy you. Everything you Iove...
is right here.
Not everything, Birdee.
Justin, I can't.
You are so beautifuI.
[Soft, romantic music]
I'II taIk to you Iater. Bye.
BIRDEE: Mama? RAMONA: Kitchen!
BIRDEE: Where's Bernice? RAMONA: They ate hours ago.
She had a face on her Iike a bucket of worms.
RAMONA: I don't know what's going on. BIRDEE: What's this?
Nothing. I just invited Justin over for dinner.
-He sounded Iike he needed cheering up. -I don't want to see Justin tonight, Mama.
Justin is my friend, and if he's feeIing down in the dumps...
and I feeI Iike cheering him up, that's my business.
-This isn't the time for your matchmaking. -Matchmaking? What an imagination.
Come on, Birdee. Join us.
You don't have to say anything.
You know, you couId just sit there. You couId quietIy chew, or something.
-There's nothing you can do about it. -I'm going upstairs, to sIeep.
[Knocking on door]
Birdee, this has never been a rude house. Strange, perhaps, but never rude.
Now, I wouId Iike you to go and weIcome our guest.
I am stiII your mama. You move it.
HeIIo, Bernice.
JUSTIN: This is for you. BERNICE: Thanks, but I'm aIIergic.
-Hey, Mrs. CaIvert. -How are you, Justin? GIad to see you.
JUSTIN: How you doing? BERNICE: I don't want these.
BIRDEE: Bernice. BERNICE: Thanks anyway.
JUSTIN: Hey, Birdee. What's up? BIRDEE: Hey, Justin.
JUSTIN: My goodness. You've been cooking in here.
RAMONA: It's nothing. I hope you enjoy it.
JUSTIN: Yes, indeed. RAMONA: Let's aII sit down here now.
That's fine.
You're not joining us, Mama?
You know, I forgot. I ate earIier with the chiIdren.
I'II teII you, this memory is reaIIy going.
-I'm sorry about Iast night. -I'm onIy sorry about this morning.
-I know you have a crush on me. -A crush?
-Birdee, this ain't high schooI. -You know what I mean, BiII.
Justin.
-What? -My name is Justin.
It ain't BiII.
BIRDEE: I'm sorry. JUSTIN: You know, Birdee...
you used to be so....
I don't know...
audacious. BoId.
PeopIe wouId stop to watch you come down the street.
"Here comes that Birdee CaIvert."
Their eyes wouId Iight up. You couId see it on their faces.
Look at me.
You think you've Iost that. I can stiII see it.
BiII can't see that.
You know nothing about BiII.
I know that BiII couId Iet you go. Damn, Birdee!
When are you gonna face up to the fact that he ain't coming back for you?
You get out of here! My daddy is coming back.
He Ioves me and he wants my mother. He'II kiII you if you come around here.
-Stop it. -TeII him.
Be quiet!
You better go.
Why don't both of you go out?
Bernice and I wiII stay here and have a IittIe visit.
It's aII right.
When you get tired of waiting, give me a caII. I hope I'm stiII around.
Thanks, Mrs. Calvert.
RAMONA: You just amaze me, Birdee.
You know, your love life has always been a disaster area.
They ought to have those big orange cones aII around you.
What can I say? I'm my own crown of thorns.
Do you think Iife goes on forever?
You think behind every chance is another chance and another?
It's the worst kind of extravagance, the way you spend your chances.
[Car starting]
BERNICE: Get out and don't come back! BIRDEE: Bernice!
Bernice, stop it! What is the matter with you? What are you doing?
Why didn't you teII him he Ioves us and is coming back?
Because, I don't know.
AII right? I don't know if Daddy Ioves us, or if he's coming back.
He Ioves me! He Ioves me, even if he doesn't Iove you.
I just sent him away. What more do you want from me?
BERNICE: I want my daddy. He wouIdn't have Ieft if you had Ioved him enough.
-No, he didn't Iove me enough. -This is aII your fauIt, and you know it!
TRAVIS: Aunt Birdee!
Help, please! Somebody! l've fallen over and l can't get up. Help!
You know, that is the prettiest one.
Birdee Calvert.
She looks like she belongs in a bar.
MIKE: HeIIo, Birdee. It's about time you came by and said hi.
BIRDEE: Hey, Mike. MIKE: You being good?
I'm trying to be. It just doesn't seem to be working out that way.
Can l get a vodka tonic, extra lime?
You sureIy may.
What do you want to say to Dennis?
You know how, late at night, l get calls, really late?
DENNIS: lt's all right. What? RAQUEL: When they call me....
MIKE: It's on me, Birdee. RAQUEL: They call me to dance.
l'm really an exotic....
l'm really an exotic dancer.
You shouldn't have done this on TV.
[Audience appIauds and cheers]
BIRDEE: Birdee. I mean, what kind of name....
You know what happens to birdies. They're cat food. They're target practice.
Birdee, Birdee, Birdee!
MIKE: Look, it's a good name.
Have some coffee. You should pace yourself.
-I'm fine. I'm going home. -You sure?
BOBBI-CLAIRE: Don't Iet me get Iike that, for God's sake. Don't Iet me get Iike that.
BIRDEE: I Iook pretty pathetic?
Poor woman. Husband Ieaves her on nationaI teIevision.
BOBBI-CLAIRE: I know. We cried.
You know what? Do not beIieve everything you see.
If I beIieved everything I saw at the photo shop...
I'd beIieve Miss Bobbi-CIaire got herseIf some new titties.
[Sneering and Iaughing]
I got one word for y'aII. PoIaroid!
PoIaroid!
Come on, Bobbi-Claire. Don't leave.
BIRDEE: Come on, you won. MIKE: Birdee, take it easy.
BIRDEE: Man. Qué será será, peopIe.
[Birdee sobbing]
RAMONA: Are you okay?
BIRDEE: Whatever you do, Mama...
pIease don't say anything. Don't be cIever, don't be smart...
because I reaIIy can't take it tonight.
Why don't you sit on that.
The tiles are always so cold in this bathroom.
BIRDEE: Everything is so wrong without BiII.
RAMONA: I know.
BIRDEE: I miss him so much. He used to caII me "baby."
l never thought l'd be a woman who liked that...
but I did, with him.
RAMONA: Sure you do.
I miss his hands.
The way his hands wouId just--
He'd put them on the smaII of my back...
and just Iead me into a room.
It made me feeI so safe.
BIRDEE: I miss aII that. RAMONA: Of course you do, honey.
BIRDEE: I know it's so easy to bIame him.
But you know what? I think it's me.
I do.
Because he used to Iook at me, and I used to see myseIf in his eyes.
And it was Iike, he saw me.
And I was audacious, Mama.
I was.
And then, I don't know, things just started to change.
The harder I tried to be what he wanted me to be...
the Iess I saw myseIf in his eyes.
And one day I Iooked, and I was gone.
RAMONA: I stiII see her. BIRDEE: No, Mom. No.
It's happening with Bernice, too.
It's happening with Bernice.
She doesn't even Iook at me the same way.
It's Iike there's a waII between us.
There's a waII, and it's kiIIing me.
Because the one thing I said, was when I grew up...
if I ever had a daughter, she wouId know her mother Ioved her.
I wouId hug her. And I wouId teII her nice things.
I wouIdn't just Iet the daddy do aII the hugging.
Now I reaIize that....
I reaIize that it doesn't matter...
who or what or when...
or where the hugging happens.
Sometimes, you just need a hug.
And it just didn't work out that way.
I've seen you hug your daughter.
She knows you Iove her.
Yes, mothers Iove their daughters...
even if they show it poorIy.
TEACHER: Hi, JuIia. Here's the taIent show Iist.
It's up! The audition Iist is up!
I hope I'm near the beginning. I'm so nervous.
Bernice!
JULIA: Hey, I was going to do a poem. They don't Iike too many poems.
CHRIS: Hey, Birdee. BIRDEE: Hey.
-Chris. How are you? -Fine. What's up?
I was wondering if you couId.... Bernice!
Bernice, honey!
Isn't that your mom?
BIRDEE: Sweetheart!
BERNICE: Let's go.
CouId you just give this to her? She forgot her Iunch.
CHRIS: Sure. BIRDEE: Thanks. It's good to see you.
[Sad country music]
BERNICE: Hey, Daddy.
-Do you remember who I am? -HeIIo.
Hi.
Isn't she beautifuI?
Yes, sir. She sure is.
HARRY: That's my daughter, Birdee.
She's marked for happiness.
How do you know that?
If you Iook at her, chiId, you'II see it.
My God, you're right.
I see it.
RAMONA: Hi, honey. Your mom caIIed a whiIe ago. She said she'd be home soon.
Do you want me to tuck you in?
-How tight? -Tight.
Snug as a bug in a rug.
You're so much Iike your mama. She use to Iove me to tuck her in tight.
I'm not Iike her.
We're different. It's Iike we're not even reIatives.
WeII, yeah.
I know what you mean.
ReIatives are troubIe. I couIdn't agree more.
l ever tell you about Walter, my brother? No? Well...
what you have to go through with your mama...
the suffering, that's what I had to suffer with WaIter.
One day, we were playing, down by the river...
and we came across the most beautifuI anthiII you ever saw.
And then, WaIter immediateIy kicked it...
and stomped on it, and just scattered it to the four winds.
I just started howIing.
I was just.... I yeIIed for my mama. I ran up and grabbed her...
and dragged her down there, just crying and carrying on.
Anyway, my mama was trying to calm me down, so she said.
[Echoing] "Wait, wait. They're not finished. Not by a long shot. "
We waited and waited, and sure enough...
those little black specks just started...
scurrying every which way, working hard to buiId their home back.
And I said, "Why did they do it? I'd just give up. It's hopeIess."
And my mama said.
"Yeah, if there was one of you, but there's Iots of ants down there.
"They're aII reIatives. They're famiIy, just Iike we are."
That's what families are for. That's why they invented families.
So hopeIess didn't get the Iast word.
So, Iisten, if ants can do it, we can do it.
You know, my Birdee has...
a Iot more strength than she's ever known.
And one of these days, she's going to realize it.
-I Iove you, Grandma. -Oh, honey.
"My cup runneth over."
Say, haven't you got a birthday coming up here pretty soon?
You want to tell Grandma what you wish for? No?
-No. -No?
WeII, never mind. I'II figure that out.
I have my magic ways.
-Good night, honey. -Good night.
-When did you get home? -A whiIe ago.
-I went to go see Daddy. -That's nice.
You were aIways Daddy's girI.
Not just his, Mama.
Thank you.
You're most weIcome.
-I'm gonna get some tea. You want some? -No, I'm okay. Thanks.
BERNICE: Grandma.
BERNICE: Grandma ! BIRDEE: Mama?
Mama, what's wrong? Mama !
Oh, God! Bernice, go diaI 91 1 .
Mama. This isn't happening to me. Not now, Mama. Don't do this to me now.
Come on, Mama, don't do this to me. Wake up, Mama !
Mama, wake up! Mama !
Mama, please! Oh, God.
No.
[Sobbing]
PRIEST: I've been priviIeged to have known Ramona CaIvert aII my Iife.
l don't believe she needs to be idealized in death beyond what she was in life.
A complicated woman, and a generous one.
Proud, and yet humble enough to help many of her neighbors...
quietIy, simpIy.
The mother of two fine daughters. The wife of one good man.
She doesn't require any fancy words from the Iikes of me.
All l need to say is, l'm going to miss her, as will we all.
And l know, even seated next to....
Daddy is back. He came back for us. He came back. Thank you, Grandma.
BERNICE: Thank you. PRIEST: May she rest in peace.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the HoIy Spirit.
Amen.
PRIEST: May God be with you. ALL: And aIso with you.
Daddy, I knew you'd come back! I knew it!
Take it easy, Bernice. You're choking me. Let me get a Iook at you.
-What are you doing? -Taking it home.
-Hey. -You doing aII right?
Yeah. Thanks.
BERNICE: Want to come see Mama?
Hey, Travis.
Do you mind if l sit down?
Birdee, why don't you sit down? That can wait.
BIRDEE: WouId you Iike sugar or cream, or are you okay?
No, I'm fine.
BIRDEE: You want anything, sweetheart? BERNICE: I'm good.
You got a teIegram?
I waited my whoIe Iife to get one of these.
It stiII ain't happened.
It's from your mom?
She must care about you an awfuI Iot to send you a teIegram.
It's for Aunt Birdee.
Even so.
What are you thinking about?
Whether Aunt Birdee wants me.
Yeah, she does.
My grandma is dead.
I know.
BILL: You're not going to make me feeI bad about this.
The onIy thing I'm guiIty of is faIIing in Iove.
I didn't want it to happen. I didn't seek it out. It just happened.
I'm sorry, are you taIking about me or Connie?
'Cause you seem to faII in Iove reaI easiIy, it's onIy naturaI to be confused.
-Here you go, Daddy. -Didn't I teII you to pIay outside?
-I'm not Ieaving untiI you stop fighting. -We're not fighting. Nobody's fighting.
No, you never did, did you?
Things aIways came reaIIy easy to you, didn't they? ReaIIy easy.
AImost as easy as discarding your wife and chiId.
Kind of Iike a "To Do" Iist.
Wife's gone, check. Daughter's gone, check, check.
Birdee, you Ieft, remember?
No, you Ieft Iong before I Ieft you.
This isn't about who Ieft first.
We're not in love with each other anymore.
BERNICE: You said you weren't going to fight.
Bernice, if you don't get out of this house, you're gonna wish you had.
Don't you ruin anything.
If you feII out of Iove with me...
you shouId have Ieft a Iong time ago, instead of skirting around.
Maybe I'II go there one day.
Where's that?
CaIifornia.
To see my mom.
I'm sure she'd Iike that a Iot.
[MuffIed voices of Birdee and BiII arguing]
How come you're sitting out here, aII by yourseIf?
Where's that crazy Bernice?
She's inside with her father.
Everything's okay, right?
What do you feeI Iike doing? You want to go for a waIk or something?
Aren't you going inside to say hi?
Don't you know?
-I came over to say hi to you. -Hi.
God, I wouId have stayed with you forever.
I wouId have turned myseIf inside out for you.
I wouIdn't have Iet you.
-PeopIe grow. They change. They have to. -You don't think I know that?
I know that I'm not what I once was.
I know that.
But then again, neither are you.
You're sad, you're weak, and you're...
shorter, if you want to know the truth.
But l haven't changed so much that l would lie to somebody l loved.
I wouId waIk through fire...
before I'd Iet them feeI Iike they were nothing.
And I wouId never break up anybody's home.
Because I'm not a quitter. I care about my famiIy.
I'm in Iove with Connie.
This is my chance for a fresh start. And l'm taking it. l'm sorry.
Then you shouId take it.
If that's your chance, then you shouId take it.
You're right. You and Connie deserve each other.
You were lucky to have me.
But you know what?
I think I aIready got the best part of you.
She's standing right out there.
And she's waiting for me.
I don't know. What's Ieft over doesn't Iook so good anymore.
So, what do you want? Why did you come back?
You want my permission?
You want my condoIences? Why did you come back?
I didn't want to do this today, but it's because I want a divorce.
BERNICE: I'm coming with you, Daddy!
I'm going with my daddy.
BILL: What do you think you're doing? BERNICE: I'm going with you.
BILL: Honey, that's impossibIe.
BERNICE: But I'm going with you. BILL: No. You gotta stay with your mama.
Birdee, you gonna help me out here?
You toId me you wanted me with you, remember?
Listen, honey. I've got to go.
Don't do this to yourseIf, okay? Don't make a scene.
Now, go on back inside. Go ahead.
Stop it, Daddy!
Bernice.
-You know I'd take you with me if I couId. -You can!
Try to understand, baby.
Connie and I need time to ourseIves, to try and make a go of it.
Then, l'll come back for you. l promise. l promise. Now, go inside, please.
BERNICE: You want me. You wrote it in the Ietter.
PIease, Iet me in! You want me!
I'II aIways want you, Bernice. You're my IittIe princess.
But your mommy needs you. And you need her.
No, I don't. I need you.
I Iove you, princess. I've got to go.
No!
[Honking horn]
Daddy!
No, Daddy, take me! Daddy!
I want my daddy!
BERNICE: Why did you pretend that Ietter was from Daddy?
BIRDEE: What an imagination you have.
You know, I aIways thought I was going to be, I don't know...
speciaI. But, I'm not.
I'm just an ordinary person.
And that's okay.
Because you make me speciaI.
Don't you know that?
Don't you know that you are everything in this worId to me?
And we are gonna make it through this...
because we are a team.
Birdee and Bernice, the cooIest chicks in SmithviIIe.
So don't you ever think about Ieaving me again.
Because I need you.
I Iove you.
-Me, too. -Good.
[HuckIebee barking]
BIRDEE: Bad dog! Very bad dog!
Anything interesting come in, whiIe I was at Iunch?
No, sir.
Oh, no! Look at these. Birdee?
BIRDEE: What is wrong with this stupid machine?
God, l tell you, l....
['90s sIow rock music]
BIRDEE: Okay, Mama. Stop pushing.
JUSTIN: Y'aII ready?
Why don't you go ahead? I want to taIk to Bernice for a second.
JUSTIN: You're stuck with us now, buddy.
What are you Iooking at?
BERNICE: "My cup runneth over."
Mom, are you going to marry Justin Matisse?
I don't think I'm going to get married for quite some time.
-Why? You don't Iike Justin? -It's not that. It's just....
[Bernice sighs]
BIRDEE: What is it?
You can be honest with me. Tell me.
I just don't want to be known as Bernice Matisse.
Bernice, you are a fine girI. You know that?
l never said any different.
['90s sIow rock music continues]
BERNICE: My dad says that childhood is the happiest time in my life.
But l think he's wrong. l think my mom 's right. She says....
BIRDEE: Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.
That's what Mama used to say.
She said, "Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad...
"but it's the middle that counts the most. "
You need to remember that, when you find yourself at the beginning.
Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too.
[SIow country music]
[SIow country rock music]
EngIish - SDH